I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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