True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
