When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
