Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And then he peed in my hair
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