i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The air taste purple.
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