Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
