i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize