standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.