We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.