I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't tell me you're on acid again