i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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