Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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