I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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