does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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