She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
