I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
