Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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