Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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