broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
