Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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