After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
