We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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