i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize