this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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