so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
