Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
