Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Text me some of your sweat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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