totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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