So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
