My nipple is on Facebook.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
