Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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