Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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