I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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