I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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