it was like eating out sand paper
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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