I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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