Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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