I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
