She just used a chaser for red wine.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
