all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
