Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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