The maid of honor just puked.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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