Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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