i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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