i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
