I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
be right there i have to get my cape
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
