I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
