Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
