I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
