Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
