I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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