I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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