if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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