My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sarcasm needs its own font
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
