You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
