Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His nipple licking is glorious
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