battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
