This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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