So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
