Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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