I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
