dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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