masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
