how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
