There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You ruined the universe
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
